Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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