So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
