he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
