How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
