Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
