who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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