Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
