so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
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Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
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Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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