Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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