I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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