Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think a kid would responsible me up
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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