shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
