cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
