Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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