There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
