i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
