What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
