you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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