Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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