I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
