he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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