Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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