is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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