i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
