OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
