my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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