so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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