my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
