Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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