So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Let's get the cat blown out
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
