you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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