I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
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i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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