Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
