i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
