you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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