She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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