Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
