I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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