She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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