Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
