hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
