sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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