I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize