Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
