No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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