I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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