apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
