I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
