I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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