I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
