Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
