so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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