Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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