i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
