i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
