i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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