At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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