so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
