Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize