I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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