Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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