Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
