either way he was missing a nipple.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
