Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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