I can feel you judging me through the phone.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
