There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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