Can Purell be used as lube?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
