I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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