so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Who died my cat blue again?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
