I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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