i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.