I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
