Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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