3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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