You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
