I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
