So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
worst night to have a conscience
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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